Six Hours Later

Today I woke up at 5am, left the house at 6am and was in Edwardsville, IL by 7am. In order to received a School Social Work Certification when I graduate in May, I not only have to complete a giganto portfolio, but I also have to take the Basic Skills test that all Illinois teachers take as well as the School Social Worker subject test.

Basic Skills - 3 hours 55 minutes
School Social Worker - 2 hours 5 minutes

Six hours of testing later I walked back to my car in the freezing wind and pondered my day. I had been dreading it. Completely dragging my metaphorical feet. The last time I took a standardized test was the GRE in Florida more than three years ago. I thought I was done with standardized tests and I HATE reading comprehension questions so I was DREADING it.

But really, it wasn't all that bad: long, but not excruciating. And then I realized why. There are two things that were very different this time: meds & tinted lenses.

Twenty-two years... that's how long it took me to figure out that I have ADD and Irlen Syndrome (a light sensitivity). After years of doing well in school, but having a miserable time of it I've finally started to get a handle on my issues and ways to address them.

And while I don't plan to live on meds for the rest of my life, it sure made today a whole lot easier. And my tinted lenses... wow, what a difference with all that reading...

I know its hard for people to understand how hard this grad school thing has all been for me (especially those outside of St Louis), but today I was reminded for myself just how hard its been.

With these tests completed, I'm one big step closer to graduation; to being done with all this work that has been running my life and tossing my emotions at whim.

And when I let myself take in that moment, that tangible step closer to graduation, I start to cry. Its an overwhelming feeling of relief, pain, joy, and utter disbelief. It is only in those moments that I am truly aware of how draining and overwhelming its all been... and how completely impossible it would have been without God's grace.