Too much stupidity II

Last week, I naively decided to be angry and bitter and give up on him.

...and I failed miserably.

I've always known that my behaviors around guys I like tend to be a little erratic. In early high school, as soon as I realized I liked a guy, I would promptly stop hugging him goodbye because I was afraid he might find out. In general, I tend to oscillate between wanting to completely ignore a guy, to making every effort to have contact with him.

Now, this may be a typical scale, but the interesting part is HOW I move along that scale. Rather than swinging on a pendulum between the two extremes, I tend to jump to IGNORE and then slowly rationalize my way up the scale to PURSUE. Then, I get upset or hurt or embarrassed and I immediately jump back to IGNORE with nothing in between, only to start the who process over again. This is seriously ridiculous... aka stupid.

In light of this, my therapist (yes, I'm in counseling again - initially for school stuff and depression, but it all kind of comes out) suggested that when I find myself at an extreme, I just pull back a little. I had previously tried to stay in the middle, only to find myself drifting up the scale and into my dramatic pattern. So since I have no idea what a 5 on this 1-10 scale would look like, I'll use my awareness of the extremes to try and work my way to the middle... anywhere between 3 and 8 is fair game.

So while I may feel stupid for trying to "quit" him cold turkey, at least I know that I can avoid acting stupid while I attempt to detach my feelings.