Working Girl

I'm a working girl this week but its only temporary. One of my mom's assistants is out this week and she needed some things done. Its mostly boring data entry stuff, but I'm just happy to be getting paid.

I haven't been able to really begin my job search again because I keep coming up with really good excuses to avoid it.... and I always excuse myself, so all I've been doing is thinking about it all... what I should do, where I should apply, and when I should start.

And now, in the mean time, I'm all signed up to go to Mexico in a month with my old high school (where my mom works) on their house-building trip. And I'm almost afraid to get excited about going because what if I get a job and I have to bail. But my mom keeps saying that she knows that I'm supposed to go to Mexico because she needs my help... especially this year.

And its so weird to think about all the things that God needed me to be home for... and now part of me wonders why He even let me leave to go to Florida in the first place... And I'm becoming more and more confused by the way He is choosing to lead me. For a long time, He would give me a desire for something, I would pursue it, and everything would pan out. But recently, He will give me a desire and a plan will fall into place and then everything will dead end... so then He'll give me another desire and another plan and then once again I will hit a dead end. Now, I don't even have a strong desire or any direction or path to follow and its rather disorienting.

Obviously, I don't understand it all... but I feel like every once in a while He tears off a piece of His notes and gives me a peak... now how do I live between those times?