Fear of Repetition

My mother married someone just like her father and I have dated two like mine. In some cases this would be fine, but the problem comes when your father, like mine, is not the proper personality/emotional match for you.

They say that if you ignore history you are doomed to repeat it. So, why is it that I am staring at my history completely wary and on-guard against it and I still seem to remain locked in the cycle? I guess I'm just pretending that a logical converse is really a contra-positive. Here's a lesson in logic for you:

If you ignore history, then you are doomed to repeat it
If you do not ignore history, then ..... what?

It is incorrect to just put "not" 's in front of both terms. They must be negated and then reversed to logically follow from the original statement: "If you ignore history, then you are doomed to repeat it".

This would be the proper contra-positive: "If you didn't repeat history, then you must not have ignored it".

And all that really means is that my only chance to avoid marrying someone with a badly matched personality is to continue to pay attention... but nothing is guaranteed even when I do... which scares me like nothing else. And though I have learned a lot since my last relationship about what specifically I should avoid, I still have much reason to fear repetition.

You see, my current trend is to have crushes on guys (available or not), one after the other... and with the exception of one, all of them have been either the "fascinating recluse", the "brooding emotional-type", or a combination of the two... both of which are very intriguing to me... hence the problem... because as I yet struggle to understand what type of personality would be best for me, I am almost certain both of these are all wrong for me.

And I must say that it is very strange to have a growing or lingering crush on someone who you want so badly to return your feelings... and yet to fear that if they did begin to care for you in the same way, it would be unwise to do anything but reject them. That's just aweful for both parties... Grrrr.....