Last night, Jason and I talked until 2:30 in the morning. We apologized to each other for different things in the relationship and we were able to "process" everything that has happened. Not that we came to any conclusions, but I still think it was good. I think he finally understands for himself that we weren't right for each other and that this break-up is painful for both of us.
I woke up this morning feeling very relieved about the whole thing. It’s very comforting to know that he's not angry with me anymore and I can talk to him and behave around him more like I would around a close guy friend (instead of avoiding him and acting more like acquaintances).
Its still really sad and there are still a lot of things that I'm going to miss about our relationship, but when it comes down to it, I know that things are better off this way... but I'm not sure if he's totally convinced. What I don't know is why it took God two years to communicate to us that we shouldn't get married. I can't decide if He intended it this way and just let us stumble along to teach us things through our mistakes, or if He'd been trying to tell us all along and we just didn't listen.
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Through an email and our long talk, I am now able to see that the break up was just as painful for Michal as it was for me. Though it was she who did the "cutting", we both walked away with wounds. Before, it felt like she wasn't hurting as much as I was about it, and I think that's what made me so angry.
There are many things I miss about our relationship -- some of which still make it painful to look at her sometimes. They are also the things that still foster doubt in the back of my mind about whether we should have broken up at all. There were alot of very good things about us -- and it's those things that I fear not finding again.
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