I'm Back

I've been slowly slipping into sadness, exhaustion, distractedness, and mild insanity since I started grad school about a year ago.

About 2 months ago when I started this semester after moving (for the third time in 2007), and without a real break from school because I still have a class from the previous semester hanging over my head, everything went nuts.

Its really hard to describe, but I was definitely not myself and I went into an appointment with my psychiatrist ready to yell at her because my meds weren't working and I couldn't get anything done. Instead of being angry, I ended up in tears as I talked about everything I was dealing with.

She diagnosed me with an Adjustment Disorder (which I had just been learning about in my Differential Diagnosis class), and prescribed an anti-depressant. Looking back, it scares me that I so easily turned to meds, but it really was the best thing I could have done.

When it started to kick in, my mood began to stabilize and I was feeling better... just in time for everything to come to a head when I didn't get a Practicum at a school for next year. By this point, I was numb and could barely take the steps necessary to pursue my options... but at least I didn't crumble in a pile.

Well, I interviewed at another school yesterday and they offered me the job. I didn't feel particularly relieved at the time, but today has felt remarkably different and I've only been up for a couple hours.

Of late, I've been getting up at 7 or 7:30 and then sitting around until I feel guilty enough to shower and stop watching TV (which happened around 10, 11, or 12pm). Today, I turned off the TV promptly at 8am, showered, and had cleaned the kitchen by 9am (and I even took fewer ADD meds this morning).

I turned on the radio and danced to Mariah Carey as I pulled out school work (I have a boatload to do this weekend because I was so unproductive during Spring Break last week). But I had to pause and write about it because I finally feel like myself again...