Do introverted guys really change that much when they fall in love?
Let me explain: Last night, I was talking with some friends about Myers-Briggs personality tests. We were analyzing those who didn't know their letters and comparing experiences about certain letter combinations. And one of the things that came up when we started discussing how the letters affect marriages was that the Extroverts (E) usually want to be around the Introverts (I) more than the I's want them around.
When Jason (an I) and I (an E) were dating, this wasn't really an issue. I always wanted to be with him, but I wanted him to have sufficient alone-time as well. At some point he decided that even when I was around all the time, he didn't feel like he needed alone time from me.
Then, after we broke up, I was discussing E/I issues with a fellow E, who was dating an I at the time. He was very insistent that E's need that kind of balance, and I'm sure that's true, but at the time I was leaning away from I's because I realized how potentially stifling that was for me.
I've kind of balanced out my thinking and now think that an I who is not so far along the scale would be a good balance for me. Sort of like a calming presence so that I don't run myself ragged.
But the problem is that the guys I know who are I's, though they seem more in the middle, still say things like, "I can't imagine needing to talk to the same person every day," or "When you get married, that means someone is always around... all the time... why would you want that?"
I have to say that this makes me a little nervous. I mean, I know that when they fall for someone, they will change their tune. But I'm wondering how much this really changes...
6 comments:
If I may, I'd like to comment on some of the quirks of my I-ness. I'm very much an Introvert in the sense that people (in general) wear me out, and I need alone-time to recharge. The odd flipside is that I talk, alot, to people I like. Michal can attest to the fact that while she was the E, I was the one who did most of the talking in the relationship. And any close friend of mine knows that I'll keep you on the phone for hours if you let me.
So yes, I come home from work and many times don't want to hang out with my coworkers in the evening because I've seen them all day and frankly don't want to see them anymore. But once I get home, I tend to call one of my friends from college.
I've also noticed that I tend to need to "debrief" at the end of the day with someone about what my day was like. From what I read that's more of a female trait than a male one. When I'm dating that works out great because I have someone I see often, who I like to talk to, that I can debrief with. Post-breakup, the absense of that person to chat with everyday contributes to the overall sense of loss. I find I call Luke and Dr. Tuttle alot more now trying to fill that need.
But that's just me -- I'm the weird Introvert who talks alot.
To answer the question of the post, yes I do think I's change when in love. At least, I seem to change myself. Despite the observations above, I do feel at times that having a girl around all the time would sort of cramp my lifestyle. However.. I feel that now while single, but I don't think I ever felt that while dating. When dating I had a hard time *not* having my GF around. I looked forward to marriage partly because then I'd never have to leave her. So for what it's worth, that's my experience.
I think I probably need an I. But I'm quite attracted to the E. Only according to myers-briggs online I'm a hair away from being an I. Today, whilst depositing checks, I made a conscious effort to be an E and was fully conscious of the effort I had to expend to do so. I told the Ambassador about it. My problem is everytime I accidently make eye contact with any remotely attractive male individual, I instantly look away, afraid to seem like I'm staring. Maybe that's why I moved near san jose state, in a last ditch effort to get the mrs. degreee. Or the ho degree. But in reality, what truly seduced me was the library. While some drool over cars and mansions I lust after education. *sigh* I am such a nerd.
Rosie, I get shy when a guy looks back, too... I don't think it means you're not an extrovert...
It's true; I don't get shy when a guy looks back (most of them time) but I'm a complete introvert.
I think I probably need an E, since I tend to lean in the direction of being an I myself. That and pretty much every guy I've ever been interested in or dates has been an E (which isn't many, but enough to be a trend).
Rosie, I wish you luck in obtaining your MRS. degree, but I sincerely hope they don't bestow the ho degree on you.
Michal, analyst of all that is not necessarily tangible in the mind, I have a question about eye contact with an attractive male. Sometimes I quickly look away like Rosie, but sometimes I hold the eye contact, almost daring them to look away (or say something, smile, whatever). What does that mean?!?!
it means you're Italian.
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