There are no words

I shouldn't have been able to find Amy last night.

Amy's 3-year-old niece has been battling cancer. Yesterday, her family found out that there would be no more fighting, that it was basically the end for her.

All I knew was that there was something going on with Amy's family, but I didn't have any details, and Amy's phone was off (I later found out this was because they made you turn them off in the ICU).

I didn't know where Amy was. I left her a message, knowing it wouldn't get to her. I checked my e-mail, hoping for something, and what do you know... she had notified our awesome Diversity professor, Anna, who had e-mailed the whole class and happened to name the hospital where little Mayce was.

I jumped in my car, having no idea if Amy was even at the hospital or how I'd actually go about finding her once I got there. I knew her niece's first name, and Amy's maiden name, but it was a step-sister's daughter and I had no idea what her last name might be... and though I've met several of Amy's family members, I didn't have any phone numbers.

On my way, I decided it would be a good idea to call Julio (Amy's husband-he lives at their home in San Diego while Amy's finishing school here), figuring that he would know where she was and maybe more about what I could do to help. But I didn't think I had his number. I had stayed with them in San Diego, but I had never needed to call him, and I didn't remember ever putting it in my phone... but I looked through my list of names anyway. And wouldn't you know... there it was (I later remembered that while in San Diego, Amy and I had gone to the pool and Amy had called Julio on my phone because she had not brought hers with us). He was able to confirm that she was indeed at the hospital...

After arriving, I couldn't figure out where to park. There are three large hospitals connected to one another and I knew I wasn't closest to the one I wanted, but I didn't know if I could get any closer. So I parked, hoping to find someone who could tell me how to get where I wanted to be.

What I didn't find out until later was that I picked the one parking garage that closes their connecting bridge to the hospital after 9:00pm. I arrived at 10:03pm. But as I was walking in, there was a group of 3 women on their way out. I asked them if I was in the right place and they said they could show me the way if I didn't mind waiting a couple minutes and holding the door. They only had one hotel key for the adjacent hotel, and with the doors locked, they needed 2 people to stay (one behind each door) to let one of them back in after she took the third woman up to their room and brought the key back with her. So I waited.

We walked through a couple walking bridges and down several hallways, passing no one on our way. Then they directed me to the door leading to the specialized children's hospital (where I wanted to be). But the door between where I was and where I wanted to be did not look very normal to me. I didn't need to ponder how to get through it, though, because at that moment about 5 hospital staff members from the other side were opening the door. They saw me and were about to direct me around to what I assume is the normal entrance, but then all of a sudden one of them said, "Just go downstairs and get a badge... we didn't let you in."

Downstairs, the front desk was deserted. I was looking around wondering what to do when a security guard walked in. He thought I was trying to find a way out of the hospital and he started to give me instructions. I told him that I actually was just trying to find someone. When he realized that I didn't know a last name and I couldn't contact anyone I was trying to find, he shook his head sadly. He suggested that I go to the info desk upstairs, but he didn't know how I was going to manage to get were I wanted to be. I shrugged and said that I had to try.

As I walked upstairs, I surveyed the eating area below, searching for a familiar face (among the 4 or so people still around this time of the night) that might be able to take me to Amy, but I didn't see anyone. But just as I was walking up to the info booth, a man and woman were walking away and I happened to notice that their tiny name tags had Mayce's name on them. This registered in my brain as I turned to the nurse at the desk, and I knew that I needed to run down the hall to catch them and ask for the last name. I hesitated a moment because they had no idea who I was, and under the circumstances, the last thing I wanted to do was bother them... but I knew it was my only chance.

I was able to get their attention, explain my connection to the family, ask for Mayce's last name, and they kindly offered to wait for me (they were friend's of Mayce's mom). We rode the elevator together in a quiet silence.

The look on Amy's face when I appeared out of nowhere told me that I was in the right place. Later, sitting in the waiting room, Julio called me (he now had my number and knew I was with Amy), and was able to talk with Amy even though he would much rather have been there sitting with us.

Most of the family/friends left around midnight, but Amy, Amy's sister and her fiance, and I stuck around a bit. Amy and I left around 1:30am. Mayce spent the night with her parents sleeping on either side of her, and passed around 6am this morning.

I should not have been able to find Amy last night... but I did.