Getting married is such a weird thing. I don't know, it just hit me for some reason. You share a name, a house, a life, everything with just one person all the time.
Maybe I've just been single too long because it just sounds weird. I mean, I remember wanting that; wanting to spend every moment with this one person. Wanting to build a life and make plans with one person. But now... I just can't even imagine it.
I have so much freedom right now. I'm not responsible for anyone but me. I can't imagine being in grad school later in life when I have a husband or kids or whatever else on my plate. That just seems crazy to me (not that people who do that are crazy, just that it creates a more difficult situation than I currently find myself in).
I can hope and dream all I want. And I can whine and feel pity for not having someone like that in my life right now, but when it comes down to my current situation and all the things that would change... I don't... really... want it. [Wow, I can't believe I just said that!] Weird.
I guess I just don't want to deal with it. I don't want to worry about who's right for me. I don't want to worry about where they might want to live (California... New Delhi... Chicago). I don't want to dance around feelings and wonder who might be interested in me... I just don't want to deal with it!
In two years, God, just send him to my door with a big sign that says, "Michal, I'm your FH," because I just don't want to deal.
4 comments:
Just saw ur profile...thought I'd say hi. I too share your feelings about marriage. Sometimes I really want it but at the same time I enjoy being my own person and having only myself to worry about! :)
You don't have to share your name, you know.
Just thought I would point that out.
"but when it comes down to my current situation and all the things that would change... I don't... really... want it. [Wow, I can't believe I just said that!] Weird."
*ellen weeps tears of joy*
wow. Please, I never judged you, but it seems really, really profound to hear YOU say that. WOW. I, am delighted for you. I am delighted you are not pining yourself away, so that when your FH shows up in two years, he will be dazzled by your radient self-assurance. And your laugh. And your habit of turning red on occasions that involve laughter.
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