Supposed To Be

I'm supposed to be here.

I didn't feel ready to go back to school for what seemed like a long time. And then all of a sudden, I felt ready, I applied, and here I am at one of the best Social Work programs in the country. I knew that the work load would be hard.

But it wasn't supposed to be this hard.

And I knew that I would need help for my ADD tendencies, so I started getting that help. And at first, the meds were noticeably making an improvement, but after 2 months, somehow the dose still isn't right, and I'm still struggling daily.

And it wasn't supposed to be this drawn out.

The thing is that "supposed to" and "should" get me into a lot of trouble. I beat myself up on a regular basis because I "should" be able to do such-and-such, or I "shouldn't" have such a hard time with such-and-so. But I do. And God knows that.

I'm supposed to be this way.

And I don't understand why, and you can bet that I hate every minute of it. But this is who I am, and this is my life. And I don't know what God's up to 'cuz I'm at the end of my rope, and feeling like I've reached the end of myself.

That's where I'm supposed to be.