1) What kind of drinker they are
A) Cautious - always aware of the extent to which the alcohol is effecting them, and purposeful in maintaining a certain (usually low) level2) What kind of dancer they are
B) Carefree - "I'm done with this drink and I want another one"
A) Cautious - preferring to dance more tamely with people they already know3) Their feelings about strangers of the opposite sex
B) Carefree - busting any move they can think of -whether on the floor or not- with anyone who is nearby
A) Cautious - preferring to stick with friends4) That everyone is a happy drunk until something gets in their way
B) Carefree - going up to anyone, dancing and flirting for a drink
5) What kind of drunk they become when something is irritating (of which I'm sure there are many, but here are the ones I encountered last night)
A) Lucid - still largely themselves6) How fast (or not) they pass out or sober up, change back into themselves, and begin responding with disdain toward the ones still acting drunk.
B) Loud/Loony - "I have a dream to go to this awesome place... I don't remember how to get there, but I'll know it when I see it! Take 40... ya, take 40... you guys! Why aren't you listening to my dream!!!?" "Why isn't the plane [speaking of the car] flying!?!"
C) Confused/Annoyed - "Why is it so loud!?!" "Stop saying that over and over!" "Where are we going? I'm hungry"
D) Deaf/Sensitive/Angry - "I love all y'all you guys!" "I love you!" "You guys I can't find my ID!" "No, I'm serious its not here! I have to fly tomorrow, I need my ID!" What the f*** does it matter that I have a passport?! I need my ID because I have to get on a f***in' plane tomorrow!!!" "Did you lose your ID? NO! F*** you all!"
E) Comedic - "I lost my dignity one time..."
Mind you, these are all intelligent, kind, empathetic grad students (most of whom are getting the same degree as I am)... but the racial slurs come out as well as some major attitudes that couldn't be lurking all that far beneath the surface. The good news is that only a couple of us will remember that night (and there were several apologies this morning)... because otherwise, some of them wouldn't be friends anymore.
Other words of wisdom from Michal's adventure last night:
1) If you decide to be the DD, take all the purses when you get to the bar and be in charge of the credit card on the tab. Money can be straightened out later, but if cards and ID's are lost, things get more complicated... and ugly... very, very fast.
2) Strangers that your friends bring over are going to want to dance with other girls, too... and even if you ignore them, they don't go away... and I wasn't even trying to play hard to get!
3) They'll only let you be the DD a couple times before they attempt to get you wasted... they're going to end up disappointed if they try anything like that with me
4) If none of this made you laugh, then don't use this method in any way, shape, or form to get to know your friends better. I couldn't help but laugh a lot last night... However, if there had not been another lucid person with me it would not have been funny... but it was.... it was just so so ridiculously unbelievable!
6 comments:
wow! I wish I could have been there!
Sorry, I can't be a part of your clique. I'm a "Word Warrior".
Just to clarify: I'm not an Insightful Linguist... apparently I'm a Visionary Philosopher
I got really scared listening to that account. Drunk people terrify me.
I'm scared to take IQ tests because I'm afraid they'll tell me I'm stupid.
Okay, Ellen
A) An IQ test is not going to say "you're stupid" when it gives you your results.
B) The IQ scores are on a bell curve so technically you would be in the average or not average ranges (but it won't say that either... I can tell you what the ranges are if you'd like... something they drilled into our heads in statistics for the standardized tests)
C) There's no way this test could even place you in an average or below average range because you're not average or below average and I think that the IQ test is one that would at least put you in the appropriate category
D) Even if it did say that you were more average, it is only able to asses a certain kind of intelligence in a certain way (the real IQ test, which is still not the end-all-be-all of intelligence testing, has a much broader range of tests that test you in different ways which are not possible on the internet)
E) I will still love you and believe you to be extremely intelligent even if you don't ever take the test or it gives you a low score
My IQ test told me I was stupid. And that I would never have a boyfriend, that I would expand to weigh 245 lbs in the next two weeks and that my mother would become bedridden and our only source of income would be from peddling cocaine on the streets of East San Jose
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