To be or not to be... mordant

As I ponder the projected guestlist for an upcoming wedding, there is some conflict within me. It'd be nice to see him, but I know it would be much easier just... not to.

Scenarios run through my head (as they always do) and yesterday I found myself playing a very strong and cold soundtrack at him. My predonminant attitude relating to him in the past has been more mordant (the word of the day- meaning bitter or sarcastic), but I believe the winds have changed direction.

Now I feel more like... like I really don't care. Its sad... because we were once good friends... but we were fooling ourselves to think we could go back to that.

I wish him well, but the specifics will be lost on me. I don't feel a desire to hear about how things are going in his life or current relationship... not because I'm jealous, but more because its so far removed from my own life that it just doesn't have any effect on me anymore. I just... don't... care. Wow, that's so freeing...