...is that they cause so much emotional turmoil when things go a-miss. And when its a romantic relationship there's so much more emotion invested in it and so much more to lose when things don't line up.
He likes her, but she's just not into him... but he's a nice guy and she doesn't want to upset him. Or she's an emotional time bomb, but he's too in love with her to notice. Or she's been gradually falling in love with every aspect of his person but he's too clueless to even notice. Or they were good friends and then he decided that he felt more than friendship. Or he's so in love with her, but too busy to show her how important she really is to him.
These are the themes of the relationships surrounding me right now. And its amazing to me that all of this drama surrounds me and I'm not even the one creating any of it. That's sort of new for me. But somehow it feels wrong. It feels like something is a-miss simply because nothing is going a-miss in my love life... except for the complete lack of it.
I'm currently at the point of accepting (almost against my will) that there's a guy out there who would actually be intrigued, captivated, and genuinely moved by me... enough to want to be around my strange person daily. And I know its true... don't ask me how, I just do... but forgive my skepticism since I've only met guys who find me amusing, annoying, scary, or intriguing and yet completely overwhelming (like both of my ex's).
Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of guys who are friends... more casual guy friends than close guy friends, but I like both kinds. Its just that I'm a friend... a good friend... I'm a friend who helps certain guy friends get closer to my girlfriends... many of whom seem to be continuously chased by guys... even to the point where they have to juggle the feelings of two guys at once... trying to let them down easy.
And yes, I know that my girlfriends would tell me that I don't want that... and I know I now sound like a bitter, jealous friend... but I'm not most of the time. Most of the time I live it all with them... but when a guy that I kind of have a crush on keeps calling me just to ask about one of my girlfriends, it kind of gets my dander up... but it shouldn't because I don't really care... I don't want to date him, its just fun to flirt right now... and I really do want him to find a nice girl because he deserves it (and no, I don't think it should be me)... and I have to say I love all the attention I'm getting from him, but its just that the reason I'm getting all of this attention from him is not because of me... its because of one of my friends... and somehow that stings a little... I guess its just a little too bitter sweet for my liking... *sigh*
2 comments:
Don't worry, Michal. You'll be okay. :)
I have no idea what the man&woman romantic relationship is like, even after almost 23 years. I don't expect that to make you feel better, but I do expect you to laugh. I'm going to finish my application to the Apple store now.
P.S. I said Laugh.
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