Tuesday, September 7

Impostor

It doesn't seem to matter that I've been running weekly for the past 5 months and last weekend ran 12 miles in 2 hours and 10 minutes. I still feel like an impostor.

It feels like my 2009 self still exists somewhere inside me and she is very confused about my current lifestyle. Don't get me wrong, she's very excited and proud of the 2010 self, but she's having trouble reconciling the two together. And somehow this makes me feel like an impostor. Like, at any moment, the 2009 self is going to take over again and all I have accomplished will be lost. But on some level, my 2010 self knows that can't happen. There are certain things about me that have changed permanently and for the better.

Unfortunately, though I try to fight it, the feelings of fear over being found an impostor live on indefinitely.

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