As I continue to write about things that happened four and five years ago, I have found it difficult to bring certain details to mind, such as the exact sequence of events or the duration and frequency of interactions. But since I basically save everything, I was able to pull up old e-mails written to or about the people and events in question. Very quickly I found this to be both a blessing and a curse. While it did help me to recall key details, I also dug up even more unpleasant reminders of the things I once felt or experienced. While some of the memories are pleasant, many of them are primarily painful.
Writing about Chapter 4 from my time in Florida has been particularly taxing. Not only do I miss the friends I made there, but the guy situation that arose was particularly intense for me. In fact, I even dreamed about him last night... and if I'm remembering my dreams that means I'm not sleeping well. I'm finding that as I write out the experiences related to the Florida guy in particular, my mind continues to dwell on that particular scene when I'm not writing. Its as if I'm reading a book instead of writing it, and my mind continues to swirl over the most recent event in the book, waiting anxiously to find out what happens next.
At this point, I just want to finish the chapter so that I can move through a different story; preferably one a little less painful.
No comments:
Post a Comment