I have been absent from my blog because I feel absent most of the time.
I think of things to blog about, but then forget what seemed so clever about it or that I even thought of something in the first place.
I usually blog when I am alone, but these days when I'm alone I'm largely lethargic, unproductive and sad... so who wants to hear about that?
In March when I realized that I had stopped blogging, I calculated how many posts I had written in the nearly 4 years I'd been keeping this blog. My average was one post every other day. Sometimes I wrote once a week, and sometimes everyday... but now its more like once every 2 months.
I've been struggling with depression since January, and I'm completely overwhelmed with school work. If I make it through the summer and all the work I have to catch up on it'll be by God's grace alone.
Don't get me wrong, I still love social work, my church, and all my friends. And whenever I get to spend time with them its like an escape from the absolute nightmare that attempting to work on homework has become.
I think of myself as a happy and determined person... so I basically spend most of my days just not feeling like myself anymore... and I hate it.
2 comments:
I love you sister and I really wish I could be there to help you through all of this. You are (by far) one of the strongest people I know and you will get through this. Please call if you want to chat ... or if you want to sit in silence that's ok too. sending hugs from cali... {{{{{hugs}}}}}
Oh Michal. I hate that too. I don't know what to say, I don't even have a mildly inappropriate crack to make. The Judaii all miss you very much, and we still talk about you the way kids talk about upcoming summer holidays. Even my mother says "When's Michal coming back?"
I wish I had some magical words that when uttered, gave the listener the herculean strength to power through assignments, 11 page papers, and case studies with enough time for movies with friends and random adventures around town. But I don't got no magic words, although I earnestly believe you will make it through this caca called grad school, I know that faith in you doesn't do much towards finishing homework. What can I say? You're a brave, strong, beautiful, random, delightful person who is simultaneously the most childlike and yet most mature person I have ever had the pleasure to know. You are a delight. And the Judaii hearts that about you. I heart that about you.
I love you. Please don't go crazy.
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