Change is good

...but change is also very weird, and it doesn't always feel better.

School is out and I'm just working for the summer. I have my weekends and evenings, but the latter are filled with exhaustion and people while the former are preoccupied with more people. And I still feel busy. And busy is fine with me, but the problem is when change happens (like moving into a new apartment). This requires extra time and energy... which messes up the equilibrium of the busyness, effectively changing "enjoyably busy" to "imprisoned with busyness."

And what do I do with the dating scene? I'm in a new place and I don't exactly know protocol. And no matter how hard I try, I just really don't like the idea of "casual dating." I want to know a guy as a friend, in a group of friends, spending time together as a group and individually. I don't want to "date to get to know" anyone... that just seems like too much romance and pressure and... ya, I don't like it.

The good news is that there is currently no guy freak-out, meaning: I normally get a crush, immediately fall head-over-heals, and then experience frequent sad-and-pining-spells... daily. But that's not me anymore. I've had a crush for a while and I'm still pretty chill about it. The pining spells are usually more like weekly, and generally I can talk myself into being fine... which never used to be possible. And when it comes right down to it, I'm literally content just waiting, and that realization still shocks me.

Practicum has been great. I'm totally getting into the curriculum I'm writing for K-1st graders, and that sort of thing used to terrify me. I feel like I "fit" in the office, and at this point I've worked directly with everyone there. Its fun... but really really busy... and completely exhausting.

Speaking of which, I should get to bed. I'm beat.

Change is good, right? So why do I feel confused and mildly unsure about life and what in the world I should or shouldn't be doing with my time?