... but yesterday I did.
I'm the type of person who was taught by my parents to research charities and send them money in the mail. Granted, my dad tends to reach out to homeless people once in a while (giving food or odd jobs), but honestly, they scare me and I don't trust them. And I just think they need to be in a shelter because many of them are stuck on the street because they have a personality disorder and they need more help than my $5 can give.
So yesterday, my parents and I went out to dinner with some family friends. Me, Maren, and a couple of her friends got our own table and ended up at the other end of the restraunt. Well, we left before our parents did, and we were walking to my car when a man stopped us to ask us something.
He was dressed like a normal person but he was acting really awkward and he was wringing his hands the whole time he talked... babbling... about his kids ...about staying in the cheepest hotel he could find... about getting odd-jobs to pay for the room each night as he waiting for job interviews to work out... about the waiting list for housing they were on... about not being able to find much of any work that day... and he had $25 but the hotel bill was $50 a night...about how he has to resort to begging because he doesn't want his children to be stranded...
The whole time I was reading his body language... and I believed him. Maybe I'm trusting too much in my psych degree... analyzing his story... the details he gave... the way he rambled... but I believed him. We offered him our leftover pizza, asking if the kids had eaten. He was gracious and thankful, but he said they had eated and there was no way for them to keep it refridgerated and it would go to waste... he needed the money for the hotel bill. And then I was thinking to myself that its okay not to give him money because I'm a poor "college student"... and Maren and Nicole (who were with me) didn't even have any cash on them (besides the fact that Maren is beyond broke)...
So I was ready to deny him like everyone else... but I couldn't. I started thinking about how blessed I am. I've spent the last 3 months only working part-time, but it supports me because I live at home with generous parents. I recently got a temporary full-time job, which I'm putting away in savings because I don't need most of the money on a monthly basis. And how often do I blow $10 or $20 on an evening with friends? So I started thinking, "Okay, I'll give him a $10." And then God pulled at my hearstrings, "You have a $20 in your wallet, too."
So as he was about to walk away saying that he needed to press on and find people who could help him, I gave him the $20... and you should have seen the relief and shock that spread over his face...
3 comments:
ijflivmzI know the feeling of wrestling with yourself over these things. I live in a homeless destination- Santa Cruz CA. We are the female run-away capital of the world and people like to come here to hide in the woods and live on the street. I know most of the panhandlers use their daily cash flow for drugs ( I used to know a lot of them personally) and it angered me that they just wanted to sit around doing nothing all day. A lot of them are running from the law so they change their names and make up backgrounds. So it's hard to know if someone is legitimately needy. My dad and my husband always try to give money to people, and I understand their hearts, but after overhearing homeless people brag about how much money they got for sitting on the sidewalk all day, and what they planned to do with it I was saddened. I think it is important to take care of people who are desperate and to let God guide us in this area, but it can be hard!
You didn't tell me, so I had to turn to teh internets for the seven stages of grief. They are:
1.Shock or Disbelief
2.Denial
3.Bargaining(making deals with other people, with Diety to reconcile the loss)
4.Guilt (if only statements)
5. Anger, directed towards the loss, the person lost, or Deity
6.Depression. Will come and go throughout the grief process. Resignation at the end of depression indicates the truth of the loss has been accepted and the person is ready to move on.
7. Acceptance and Hope
hey. I want to have a get together Friday night so Karissa can meet you and the girls outside of the memorial service. I need you to help me because you're the mastermind behind every plot. my email is van.grantham@gmail.com. holla at me back!
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