Unsatisfying Relaxation

I haven't felt much like blogging... though I often recognize trains of thought in my head that I think would be fun to blog about... so I attempt to make a mental note and yet it still doesn't stick.

I don't do much during the day and yet my "to do" list grows and I feel worn out by the end of the day with all the stress of the things I can't seem to make myself do.

My health insurance goes away after tomorrow and I've skimmed the plans available to me... done some calculations and picked one, but I haven't purchased it... terrified that I need to look at all of them more thoroughly to make sure that it really is the wisest choice for me... which makes it a large and daunting task that I have been avoiding... and now the stress of the deadline is continuing to be overwhelmingly paralyzing.

I was sitting in church on Sunday and all of a sudden it hit me: I want to go to Mexico right now... I want to be there... I want to be useful... I want to have something to do that means something... I want to be productive and have an effect on something... anything...

I had a job interview yesterday for the Pruneyard Plaza Hotel near my house. They seemed to really like me and everything was going very well. The manager interviewing me even pulled in a supervisor to talk with me... and then as I was leaving, the manager mentioned that they would be notifying me Wednesday-Friday next week. I had told her that I could start work as early as April 17th, but I'm leaving for Mexico on Thursday... so I told her... and I made sure that she knew that we were building houses, not vacationing. I gave her my cell phone and said that I wouldn't be out of the country until Friday afternoon, but she still seemed really annoyed and disappointed that I was making this so difficult... she started asking me questions as if this meant that I was going to be a flake about my shifts... I tried to assure her that I'm not like that and this was only because it was my high school and I currently had the time... still she didn't seem happy about it... and I have yet to receive the personality questionnaire she said she would send me over e-mail to fill out.

So once again... I sit around the house knowing what I should be doing with my time, but unable to move in the right direction until after 3 or 4pm... when it feels like the day is over and there's no time left to get anything done... Satan is doing a pretty good job of keeping me trapped in this mindset and a prison to this unsatisfying relaxation... and I'm sick of it.


P.S. Wow... I sound so depressed... and I'm not really... at least I hope not... I'm only like this when there's no one around... which constitutes the majority of my day... hmmm...