...I'm scared to stay here, but very resistent to leave. Its a scary thought to stay because I am so far away from home... and I've never really been on my own supporting myself with a job before... and to be so far from home without a job secured is a terrifying predicament.
But to go home would feel like failure to me. I don't want to leave Florida. I know that if I had a place to live and a job, I would have the time of my life here. I like it... I don't know quite what it is about it, but my little Florida world is all intact and I've already had to leave two worlds this year... I don't want to add another.
And I know that if I did go home, planning to get a job and a residence in SoCal, the results would be long in coming because I wouldn't be motivated enough and then I would just end up at home for far too long... but to not live at home means to spend a lot more money... but if I don't end up making any money while living at home, what's the point?
And now I am Peter: I have eagerly stepped out of the boat onto the water, but my faith is beginning to focus on my questions and not Jesus standing before me holding out his hand... and I'm sinking...
2 comments:
Does this mean that your friend said no to the living arrangement? Is it possible to crash with peeps there for a while until you find something?
No, it just means that I haven't heard from her. And I would only live with people I already know, so it will soon be clear if I have exhausted all my options.
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